


Cold Black Cloud

by NaomilyClexa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anya is alive don't ask me how, BAMF Clarke, Clexa Endgame, Clexa in season 4, F/F, F/M, Fix It Fic, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, I'm ignoring the city of light and ALLIE, Lexa Lives, PTSD!Clarke, Romance, Season 3 AU, Season 4 AU, Season/Series 04, Smut, There is no city of light, Trauma, after they stop hating each other, because fuck you jason rothinhell, that never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaomilyClexa/pseuds/NaomilyClexa
Summary: Clarke Griffin leaves after the events of the Mountain, torn, empty. She lives on her own for a whole year, fighting for survival, when she gets wounded and is found by Octavia. She is taken to the Ark, only to find out the Grounders and Sky People live together.And then there is Lexa, the leader of the Coalition Skaikru is suddenly a part of. And then there is the hatred she keeps for her. And then there is the fact that since Wanheda is back, people demand Lexa to kill her. Not only that, but Ice nation decides to rebel against them. And the fire is about to burn them all.Okay so I am ignoring ALLIE, there was no AI, there was no city of light, I just wanted to see what season 4 would be like with Clexa  and figuring out how it would work out if Skaikru and trikru tried to live togethe under Lexa. Includes lots of politics, fluff, angst and happy ending for Clexa. Please enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I know I have many unfinished fics, but with season 4 having somewhat good story line, I really want to bring it to life with some Clexa. I promise I will update my other fanfics soon since my gorgeous girlfriend borrowed me her laptop. So this is for you, Alex! 
> 
> Please remember that English isn't my first language and this isn't beta'd, but if you wanna help me, please comment. Thanks!

Being on the ground was always going to be harsh. It was always going to burn, hurt and slap you in the face whenever you felt like everything's going to be okay. It was ruthless, cold and unforgiving, and it was cruel towards every creature that lived on the planet. 

Clarke griffin was the breathing epitome of the ground. 

If any of the people that knew Clarke would run into the girl, she wasn't sure they would recognize her. At least not immediately. Her body, previously weak and soft, hardened with every step she took, every punch she gave, and they ached pleasantly and burned agonazingly during each and every one of her sprints through the endless forests, forming muscles. Her skin turned from pale and spotless to a tanned canvas full of hundreds of scars and gashes, old and new, memorizing each and every battle she fought for her survival in the past few months. At first, she didn't care about any of her wounds, didn't clean them to save herself from infection, internally hoping that this slice into her skin would finally kill her, saving her from the nightmares, but after a month, she started tending to them, cleaning them and checking them. She didn't know if her instinct for survival finally won over her suicidal self that came to life after she pulled the lever, or if it was her inner healer reminding her that every life is worth saving, no matter how fucked up.

But eyes were the worst.

They were dull, dimmed, and empty. They were lacking the light of hopefulness and faith for a better future the old Clarke Griffin would have, the determination to find solution for every helpless situation and save every damned soul, the spark that convinced hundreds of people to follow her. The spark that made one lonely girl fall in love with her. They were bloodshot and blank at first, but if you looked closely, you could see each and every victim that died under Clarke's hand, lost hopes and lost fight. They were like eyes of an old soul that saw way too much and regretted too many battles. Very much like the eyes of every predator Clarke had to take down.

Wandering through the woods alone was never going to be easy, she knew that much. It was a choice she made second after she pulled the lever. After she saw the looks in her friends' eyes, the regret, the hatred, the confusion. And worst, the admiration and gratefulness. She didn't deserve to live with her friends, with her family, enjoy life and be happy when 300 people, including innocent children and their allies, will never see the daylight because of her. 

Her victims are alive in her dreams, though. They are very much alive when they stare at her, burning holes into her dying soul, causing her to jerk awake with tears in her eyes, sweat covering her whole body every time she tries to get some sleep. They are very much alive when they are letting her project her self-hatred onto their quiet, blank faces, slowly burning and turning into a sky full of blisters and blood, blaming her for everything she ever did.  
Her whole existence was covered in the blood of others. Ever since they landed, she took the blame for most of the massacres; the Trikru soldiers she burnt outside the dropship. Atom. Charlotte. Anya. Wells. The people in TonDC the night the mountain striked them with the deadly missile. Everyone who tried to help them. Everyone she cared about. 

She spent months covered in filth, wandering through cold forests and sharp mountains, going nowhere in particular, just far, far away from the Ark. She survived colds, infections, attacks of bears and wolves and mutated predators she could never dream of. She survived sleepless nights, and nights when she cried herself into unconsciousness. Nightmares full of walking corpses and nightmares with tall brunette turning away from Clarke, her crimson cape dancing in the wind like fire, never looking back. 

She hated the brunette with everything she had. 

Perhaps the hatred was what kept her alive for so long; she didn't know how long _long_ actually was, because all days blurred together, for every day in the wild was the same; fight for survival. You couldn't count days when you were constantly being attacked, starving, wounded, bleeding. Time didn't matter on the ground. It flowed by just as fast and efforlesly as the streams of water Clarke drank from. 

The only indication that time passed by was Clarke's hair. It was falling down to her lower back in messy, tangled strands, colored with blood and mud. Her scars, caused by all the battles and falls, also started to fade out when the snow melted, and the oldest ones were turning pink when trees started to bloom. She rarely took a bath; not only was it incredibly dangerous to strip herself off of her gear, losing the protection the gard clothing provided and putting her weapons on the ground, basically defenseless, but it's not like she could ever wash the filth away. No matter how hard she would rub the blood off of her hands, it would still stain her skin, turning it crimson red. In her dreams, Lexa's hands were always perfectly clean when she let go of Clarke. 

Clarke decided to spend the rest of her life like this, alone, fighting for a living to punish herself as hard as she could, when she realized living like this might not be that bad. She felt like she was honoring the fallen grounders for living like them. Not like it could give them back their lives, but it helped with the guilt she carried, so the others didn't have to. 

Sometimes, though, she found herself thinking about her friends. She wondered if Bellamy is dealing with the guilt the same way, if he hates himself and slowly drives himself into madness, if he doesn't recognize himself when he occaisonally sees his reflection in still water. She wanted to know if Raven finally managed to find her piece of happiness, and if she's hurting less. She hoped Octavia is safe, happy with Lincoln, the second person on Earth that is dedicated to do about anything to care for the woman. She hoped Monty isn't blaming himself. She tried not to think of her mom, either hating her daughter for what she did, or living through agony for the lost of the last family she had. She wondered if they needed her, and if maybe they are dying, fighting with the Commander's alliance because of her. But the curiosity and responsibility never overweighted the pain she would experience if she returned back to her normal life.  
That was until the day it happened. 

Summer flew by really quick, blessing Clarke with easy preys and trees full of life, and no cold biting at her skin at nights. With sky full of bright stars she couldn't get herself to admire, blossoming flowers and sparkling butterflies she couldn't see the beauty of. But when autumn came, Clarke couldn't even appreciate the beautiful colours the leaves falling to the ground had, couldn't enjoy the smell of the rain nor of the air, carrying last memories of summer. She would enjoy it in the past, she knew, because the ground was her dream come true, the only place she ever felt like she was home, but there wasn't time for that in this life. Clarke had to focus on harvesting all the necessities she needed to survive winter. She robbed many grounder villages to find furs she could cover with, and boots hard enough to protect her feet from cuts, but she never stole any food. She lived on bears and wolves, everything that could fight back, so it would be a fair fight. And perhaps every time, she was praying the animal could kill her and this would all be over. 

The autumn forced her to go to lands closer to Camp Jaha, because the north became too cold, but she hid in caves and deep forests so no one could ever find her if they were looking for her. Even though it was unlikely, since they all probably thought her to be dead already. They weren't that far away from truth; the body that was running through the forests with spears in her hands wasn't Clarke Griffin at all, just her shadow, run by pure adrenaline. One rainy day, when the ground was covered in mud, she was hunting down mutated wolf that sported six feet, spear and knife ready in her hands, fearless expression on her dirt-covered face. She threw herself at the animal, trying to slit its throat to give it the least painful death possible. But the wolf was quick and strong, pinning her to the ground, crushing her with its weight and preventing her from any defense, when the wolf barked and buried its massive teeth in Clarke's leg. She screamed out so loud multiple birds flew their nests in the high trees. The blonde grit her teeth, tried to supress the pain and collecting all the strength she had not to collapse as the animal ripped some of her skin out. She started punching it hard when the animal let go of one of her hands, ocasionally hitting it with her knife, but never injuring any vital organs, as the wolf continued to bite at her skin. Driven by her instincts and fear, she finally managed to roll from underneath the animal that got distracted when she kicked it from underneath him, and with the last stenght she collected in her weakening limbs, she stabbed the animal in the neck with the spear, piercing it. The animal yelped, and with one last breath, it collapsed onto Clarke's shaking body. She managed to kick it off of her, breathing hard as she faced the skies, raindrops falling onto her filthy face. 

She was hurt before, of course, but this felt different. She felt the wound was too deep, probably hitting her artery. She could tell by the nausea and fatigue that overcame her as soon as the adrenaline exited her system and she dropped the knife, the spear still sticking out of the slowly cooling prey laying on the muddy ground next to her, covered in drit and both his and Clarke's blood. She didn't try to get up. Her breathing was ragged, her heartbeat slow, because whatever. She was always meant to die like this; defeated by the ground. Finally, she can pay her debt. Finally, this can all be over. 

She looked over at the animal, its eyes wide open, mouth open with the slowly drying blood still dripping out. It seemed to be in agony, both at its final defeat and the pain it had to go through in the last seconds of its life. Clarke always thought she would die like that, her face featuring the fearful and determined expression, appearing like a wild warrior, but instead, her body was peacefully losing its strenght, unconsciousness licking at her from every side, every angle.

She slowed down her breathing, and without even bothering to cover the wound and put some pressure on it to stop the bleeding, she just focused her eyes on the cloudy sky. And it was beautiful. 

From the first time she saw the rain, she knew it would be her favourite weather. She loved the grey clouds, the way everything appeared to be greener, full of life. She loved watching the birds that crossed the skies, flying low so they could take cover. She loved the smell of the ground after rain. She remembered dreaming of rain on the Ark, when she was watching old movies in the screening room, lips apart in awe of the beauty she saw being projected on the white wall. She was reminded of her father, having the exact same expression every time he went there with her, carryin her on his shoulders when she was young, and holding her hand when she grew tall. His eyes would water every time he turned his head to look at Clarke in the darkened room, and he would squeeze her hand. "One day, you will feel the rain on your skin, I promise you kiddo," he would whisper to her that night when he was putting her to sleep, "And that day, think of me if I'm no longer with you." After she made him promise he would always be with her, he would kiss her forehead, repeating the words, putting empasis on the always as he stood up and left the room. She could still feel the first raindrop that fell on her face when it rained for the first time after they landed, startling her and making her relax at the same time, mouth twitching with smile as she rolled her head back, facing the skies, trying to keep her eyes open as she watched the rain wash off all of her worries. And this was one of the few moments when she could fully appreciate the beauty the ground was, knowing these were the last minutes when her heart is still beating. 

She was surrounded by green, the colour she learnt to hate so much because of certain eyes. They didn't bother her anymore. She will see Lexa in Hell, and she will be able to give her all the pain she deserved. Right now, she just smiled, tilting her head to see further, and the cold, gentle raindrops started streaming down her neck. It felt as her father's hands, soft, smelling of oil, as he caressed her face. It felt as much more rougher hands, calloused from the multiple weapons it carried, by the battles they fought, but so gentle when they were touching her skin as if it was marble. She couldn’t tell if she was crying or not, and honestly, she didn't care. Nothing mattered in that moment. Not any deaths. Not any friends. No heartbreaks. No Lexa. It was just Clarke and the earth.  
She could hear the birds singing songs she used to imagine in her dreams, animals living on as if nothing happened, returning to their families and nests, continuing their survival on the ground. The leaves of the surrounding trees were bowing underneath the weight of the rain, and the branches were dancing in the wind, composing the most beautiful melody Clarke's ever had the honour of hearing, filled with gentle voices singing her to sleep. Her eyelids felt too heavy, and she breathed in the magnificent, calming smell, ready to give up, ready to see her father. He was standing above her, beaming, his hand reaching out. "Until our final journey to the ground," he whispered when he bent down to kiss her on her burning forehead, the familiar scent making her laugh out loud. He was putting her at peace, making her forget about the pounding ache in her leg, not forcing her to go with him, just waiting for her to make her own choice to leave this world, with his hand extended towards her. Her eyes started to flutter closed, her lip trembling, and she was about to finally shut her eyes for the final time, dying in dreamless, serene state, with her hand reaching out for him, almost touching the tips of his fingers, when she heard the muffled screams, sounding from far away. 

_"There's someone on the ground!"_ She heard female, familiar voice calling, as if it was happening behind a curtain her father was closing when she was ready to curl her hand around his after such a long time. Her eyes rolled skywards, she didn't care. Whoever it was, they didn't have a chance of saving her as she felt the last drops of blood staining the ground underneath her numb body. 

She could hear the loud thumps of someone running towards her. Cold sweat was covering her whole body, her body laying still, not strong enough to move anymore. She ignored the smell and taste of iron blood, and focused on the scent of rain. She wanted to become the rain, slowly becoming one with the ground, streaming away forever. 

Someone knelt down next to her, she could tell, but her vision was too blurred to see. All she could make out were shadows covering the sun, her father smiling.

 _"Clarke?"c_ The familiar voice asked with panic, and hearing her name after such a long time, Clarke whimpered, almost as if she wanted to laugh. The person started pressing down on her wound, calling hysterically after someone. She didn't care. She closed her eyes again, exhaling. She ignored the pain caused by the pressure on her leg, and smiled. Her father smiled back.

"…'s okay," she managed to get out, her lips dry and cracked even though the rain was still pouring. She ignored the pain in her leg, she ignored the steps she heard, and people kneeling around her. Before dark surrounded her, she managed to see the sky for the last time, the mighty clouds. She got to see her father, almost holding her hand fully. That's all she cared about.  
"Until out final journey to the ground," she cracked, her voice hoarse, tilting her head to the side as thunder cancelled out all the sounds around her for a while. She smiled, and slowly, everything faded away. She was lifting off of the soaked ground. Clarke Griffin was finally washed off her sins and set free. 

**

 

Her father let go of her hand and let her walk away.

**

She knew living hurt, she learned that over the last few months the hard way. But this was a whole new level.

Her head was on fire. She could hear war drums inside her head, pounding loudly, and she moeaned in pain. Soon after she overcame the sharp stings into her brain, another sound accompanied the drums. She heard something beeping regularly, faster and faster every second. She wanted to cover her ears, but her hands were too weak, as if they were weighed down by something. Then, she registered the pain in her leg, and that made her cry out. It was so strong, almost overwhelming. She wanted to scream for help, but her throat felt too dry, not allowing her to speak. She tried to open her eyes, but it was as if someone glued her eyelids together. 

She moved her head, and she could tell she was lying on something soft, almost as if it were a mattress. She didn't feel that comfortable in many months. She fought an inner battle with herself, fighting her eyelids, until finally, her eyes cracked open, and she was blinded by bright light. 

She whined, squirming them closed again, and gave herself few seconds to try again. Then, she tried to blink them open, and for the second time, she succeeded.  
At first, everything was a bright mess. She couldn't make out anything but whiteness, and for a while, she thought if maybe this was her final resting place, if she died and went somewhere to meet her dad. 

That was until a familiar voice crushed all of her hopes. 

_"She's awake,"_ a male voice said, a voice she couldn't quite put to any face she knew, but it was definitely someone from the Ark. She closed her eyes, and Gosh, could she still pretend she was in a coma? Could she fall into a coma? She would do anything, anything to not hear the voice that followed after someone entered the room. 

_"Clarke?"_ Her mother whispered, and tears escaped Clarke's closed eyes. She could feel her eyelid trembling, and she had sudden urge to bite her bottom lip, but then someone placed their hands next to Clarke's head and hovered over her, shielding her from the bright light. 

_"She's stable, but her heart rate is still slow,"_ the voice became clearer and clearer as they talked, and soon, Clarke was able to recognize Jackson. Her mother's gentle hands touched her forehead and her neck, wiping off the salty tears. 

"Clarke," her mother said in a shaking voice, "Please open your eyes, baby," she begged, and another violent shake ran through Clarke's burning body. She sniffled.

"Darling, it's okay, it's okay," her mother caressed her face, "You lost a lot of blood, but we found you in time," Abby was smiling, Clarke could hear that, "Octavia brought you back with Nyko. They were hunting, and they spotted you. We gave you a transfusion. You were dead for a while," her voice broke as she dragged her hand across Clarke's sweaty forehead to her cheek, "Clarke, they saved your life." 

Clarke couldn't stop crying. She knew it was inevitable to open her eyes, but she didn't know if she could face her mother. She was so, so damn glad to see her alive, but she never wanted to see her ever again. She didn’t want her mother to see what awful person Clarke has become. Mass murdered. Garbage. Nothing that resembled her beloved daughter at all. 

She was lost. She didn't know what to do. She felt like her prey that was being cornered, whishing her father would appear again and save her from this Hell. Instead, she could hear another voice in her head. "Your fight is not over, 

_Klark_ ," it resonated in her head and she almost growled. 

"Clarke," Abby cried, her thumb brushing over her cheek, "Please, open your eyes so I can see you are alright." 

Clarke knew what her mom was worried about. If the short time that no oxygen entered her brain somehow damaged her. She knew she couldn’t hide away from her forever. But the thought of seeing her mother agian, letting her see who she became, watch the disgust and fear in her eyes as well as the immortal love for her only daughter was killin gher, hurting more than any other wound she ever had. But her mom was crying, desperately holding Clarke's face in her shaking hands, the sound of her cries causing Clarke to let another set of tears set free. Green eyes were staring at her from underneath her eyelids, and she couldn't stare at them any longer. Slowly, biting into her bottom lip, she opened her eyes, and her vision was able to make out Abby's worried face. 

The woman smiled at her daughter, her face wet from tears, and she leaned down to hug her. The woman was holding onto her desperately, and it was impossible to believe this was the same woman that could act so calmly when anyone else was hurt. Clarke was blinking, trying to get used to the light in what shew recognized to be a hospital room in the Ark, and slowly, she willed her hands to move, and put them around her mom's fragile body. 

They cried into each other's shoulder for a while, because despite being disgusted by herself, she never counted onto seeing her mother again, and she realized how much she missed her. She cried until her eyes felt dry, holding onto her mother with all the strength she had left in her fragile arms. 

"Mom," she creaked out in a hoarse voice, not being used to talk, "What happened?" 

Her mom knew what she was asking, and dug her chin into Clarke's neck. 

"Everything's alright. Everyone survived. Clarke, you saved everyone." 

Clarke closed her eyes again. This is exactly what she was avoiding for all these months. The praise for taking lives of so many people. She pulled away from her mom, suddenly not able to look into her eyes. 

"Water," she muttered, and Abby handed her the dewy glass. The blonde took a big gulp, coughing when she put it away from her lips. Suddenly, she felt like running away.  
She dropped the glass, and she tried to get up, but she immediately fell back onto her pillow. Her mother forced her down. 

"You were out for a few days. It's normal if you feel weak," her mom informed her, her voice warm, "But you will be okay soon. You just have to take it easy." 

"I can't," Clarke protested, bearing all the strength and will she had, and she sat up again. Everything was spinning for a while, but after taking in few steady breaths, everything stilled. She didn't pay attention to her mother's attempts of putting her back into her bed. She survived many painful wounds, she could handle but leg and some nausea. She gripped the bedframe tight, exclaiming in pain when she finally stood up and put weight on her wounded leg. Her mom and Jackson immediately rushed to her, and she pushed them away, "Don't," she managed to get out, "I need to see... I need to see it," she murmured, her vision still clouded. She refused the crutches Jackson offered her, and carefully, she took her first step. She started hopping towards the exit, and pushed them open. She was taken aback when the guards at the door were the ones she recognized from Trikru, stopping in her steps. She shook it off, because perhaps she was imagining this, perhaps they were one of the few that stayed and fought with her people despite Lexa's retreat.  
She managed to walk through the cold hallway by herself, not caring that she was dressed in soft, cotton clothes once again. Frowning and hissing in pain, she got to the exit, and stunned Ark guards opened it for her, eyeing her curiously. 

The sunlight blinded her for good five seconds, and when she finally focused on the scenery in front of her, her voice left her. 

The Ark was no longer fenced. It was surrounded by tents, camps of grounders. For a while, she got into her fighting position, thinking that maybe Trikru invaded them. But once she looked closer, her mouth hung open. 

The walls previously built around the Ark to protect it from the grounders were behind the trikru tents and small houses. In the crowd, she could see Sky people trading with Grounders, she could see little children from the ark playing with kids dressed in furs and covered with braids and war paints, she saw Sky people drinking with Lincoln at one table, who was sitting next to Octavia, hands around her shoulder. Everyone, the people that used to crawl at each other's neck, were living together, walking side by side in harmony. 

She was confused, was this even a reality? How could this ever happen? Was she just imagining all of this? 

Then, Octavia spotted her, and smiled at her. 

"Look," she nudged Lincoln, still staring at Clarke, "She's up." 

When she said that, everyone at the table plus some others turned to look at her, and she recognized Monty, Harper and Raven sitting at the table. She was too lost to feel happy for seeing them alive. She was swirling in her own mind. 

Suddenly it felt like everyone was looking at her, and she spotted Bellamy widening his eyes at her, his guard jacket on. And then, some Grounder pointed at her. 

"Wanheda!" He screamed in joy, and the blonde felt like fainting, the words hitting her like a bullet. 

Clarke's breathing became too hard and too fast. She leaned against the door of the Ark, everything was in motion once again. She was starting to get into that state of mind where she didn't know what was real and what was not, and then, Octavia connected her eyes with her. 

The fierce brunette started running towards her just as Clarke hit the ground, the words echoing in her mind. She could feel Octavia dragging her back to her feet, but she couldn’t stand up. Not when she kept repeating the words in her mind. No, it wasn't in her mind, everyone was cheering it. She looked up at Octavia, and then, the door closed behind her, and the voices were silenced as Octavia and Abby knelt to her, to make sure if she is okay. Clarke gulped, feeling more sick than ever. She looked at her hands, and they were dripping blood. 

The Commander of Death.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a lot to deal with, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! After such a long time, I'm back! I was super busy with work and life in general and my laptop broke, but anyways, here it goes! Hope you like it!

She remembers the first time she ever heard the words way too vividly. 

After the first month, when she was lost somewhere between the sleeping state full of nightmares, and awareness filled with cries and tears and panic latching onto her, when she had to calm her breaths and while being bend down on the ground, hyperventilating and her chest feeling incredibly tight, during one especially tough panic attack, when she was curled on the ground, her eyes wide open as she kept repeating the moment her fingers pulled the lever way too often, she was too far gone to hear the approaching sounds. 

_"You saved lives by pulling that lever. Don't waste it by pulling this one, too,"_ Jasper whispered, and suddenly Maya was burning, her mother spitting at her in disgust, Raven turning away and Jasper screaming, gripping Maya's still body so hard. She was glued to the spot, watching the kids around her slowly turn to ashes, their eyes hollow before they crumbled to the ground, reaching out their tiny hands for her. She was breathing so fast her body was burning, her insides twisting. The Commander was standing next to the scene, posture straight and face unbothered with her hands clasped behind her back, her oblivious eyes taking everything in. 

"Help me," Clarke rasped out, the words burning her throat as she turned to Lexa, who lifted her chin, "Please, _please_ , help me save them, Lexa," she begged on her knees. Lexa was looking down at her, her face blank, when she averted her face away from the helpless blonde, and without sparing her a glance, slowly walked away. 

" _Lexa!_ You can't do this! Don't make me do this!" She screamed after her until she was coughing out blood, and she fell to the ground and curled up as it all started falling apart again, burying her under the debris of the mountain so many people called home. 

She should be used to these episodes of pure panic, especially after the first week when she could hardly do anything but run and hear the voices, but yet she couldn't control herself as she was trembling, looking for anything that could save her. 

That was until a pair of hands touched her, turning her to face the skies. 

She was far away from the Ark to worry about it being someone she knew, so she blinked her eyes open as that someone started talking to her soothingly. 

"Focus on my voice," the female ordered her, and Clarke tried to obey her, "Focus on my voice and let go of everything else." 

Clarke was shaking tremendously in the strong arms, and it took her good ten minutes to focus herself on the strange voice. She felt herself slipping away, gulping, when the woman took her face in her hands. 

"Focus on your breathing, and count backwards from hundred. Now!" 

Clarke closed her eyes, counting and shaking, until she was to ten, nine, and her breathing was getting normal again. She opened her eyes to see a woman not much older than Clarke herself, a pretty blonde she has never seen before. She loosened her grip on Clarke when she saw her getting back to herself, relaxing a bit. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 

"Who are you?" She asked, and the woman smiled a bit. 

"My name is Niylah." 

 

It took Niylah a day to figure out who Clarke was, and it took her this long only because she was too occupied tending to Clarke. Apparently, Niylah saw Clarke walking by her house the night before, and she could tell she wasn't from here by the way the younger girl walked, unsure of the woods around her. And then she saw her face up close and she was sure. 

She told Clarke prince Roan of Azgeda was looking for her, claiming a prize to deliver her alive. He had a drawing of her, and even though Clarke was resembling the girl on the picture less and less each day, Niylah was sure. After making sure the woman wasn't going to give her to the prince, Clarke agreed to settle down for a bit, at least until they stop searching the surrounding woods. 

The cottage was cozy and spacious, smelling of fire and food and all the herbs Niylah collected, and every once in a while, Clarke was able to sleep. 

"How do you know how to handle panic attacks?" Clarke asked one evening when she was holding a bowl of fresh soup the other blonde cooked. She lived at the trading post alone, hiding Clarke away whenever someone visited, and Clarke took a liking to the clever and kind grounder. She was living on the edge of Trikru, leaving occasionally to trade in the far away village, and she always returned with something for Clarke. Last time, she got Clarke a wristband one of the delinquents had. 

Niylah shrugged, slurping the soup. 

"My father had quite many of them after my mother was taken," she confessed, occasionally slipping into trigedasleng as she was teaching Clarke the language so she could blend in more easily. Clarke didn't even have to ask who she was taken by, she could tell by the grateful, almost admiring look in Niylah's big eyes. Her fist curled into balls as she tried not to lose it, "She was his everything, that woman. She served under Indra's command, and one day, the general came back to us to inform us my nomon was gone." 

Clarke didn't feel like eating anymore, holding onto her wooden spoon way too tightly. Niylah raised her eyebrows, collected the dishes from Clarke, and seated her on their bed, fixing the clothes she gave her. 

Clarke didn't have to ask the obvious question, for Niylah just smiled and shook her head. 

"No, she never returned. We lost hope a long time ago. My father got himself lost, just like you, until one day, he lost himself to the point of no return," she shrugged, "I'm not in that much pain ever since I found out the great _Wanheda_ slayed the mountain, freeing all of our people of their pain. We never really thought what was going on inside, we just knew it had to be terrible, and it makes me sleep much more easily knowing no one ever has to go through what my nomon did." 

Clarke tilted her head, "Wanheda? What does that mean?" 

She wished she never asked. 

Niylah smiled easily, adorningly even, "Commander of death. Clarke of the Skai people, you are a living legend. My people worship you." 

It was in that moment when everything started spinning and Clarke couldn't grasp onto anything to hold herself still, screaming out as everything fell back on her and she was being crushed by the mountain. It took Niylah hours to calm her down enough to put her down to sleep. Niylah learnt to never call her by that title ever again. 

 

 

And now there she was, lying on the metal floor of the ark, her mother and Octavia bent over her and shaking her awake. 

"What happened?" Abby asked Octavia who was holding Clarke's head in her lap. 

"I don't know. She just collapsed. I ran to her as fast as I could, but she fell before I caught her," Octavia informed Clarke's mother, and the older woman nodded. 

"Alright. We have to take her back to the bed." 

She was being lifted again, and in the next moment, she was curled in Octavia's arm. She wasn't herself enough to be surprised by how stronger the lean girl has gotten when she was gone, her head falling to rest on the girl's shoulder. After that, she was being lowered onto the soft bed again, and she let herself close her eyes. 

"I did what I had to do," she whispered to no one in particular, and started falling asleep. The green eyes were back. 

 

**

 

The next moment she woke, she didn't hear the beeping of the machine monitoring her heartbeat. All she heard was the familiar buzzing of the bulb in the hospital room, and steps. She turned her head to see who was in the room with her, and for a while, pale girl with messy black hair and summer dress was staring at her, her eyes bleeding. When Clarke blinked again, Jackson was standing in her place. 

"Hello, Clarke," he greeted her when she groaned, "Glad to see you're awake. You've been slipping in and out of consciousness for the past five days." 

He approached her, handing her a glass of water and a pill. 

"Here. We are trying to numb your pain as much as possible. We sewed up your leg and gave you transfusion, but you should be on bedrest for at least a week," after receiving her stare, he sighed with a defeated smile, "Of course, in case you deny to cooperate, we prepared a pair of crutches for you," he gestured towards them, being rested against the wall, "A gift from Raven." 

At the mention of her friend's name, she sat up abruptly, ignoring the pain in the back of her head. 

"Where is she? And where is everyone?" And what is happening? Clarke was way too confused and she didn't know if it was by the anesthetics they surely poured into her all the time, or by the feeling of being lost she had ever since she got to the Ark. 

"Ab-Your mother forbid them from visiting you until she considers you fit enough," he put the glass on the little table next to her when she didn't take it from him, "But I can inform her that you are awake and- Where are you going?" He exclaimed when Clarke got off of the bed in one swift motion, careful not to land on her bad leg, and limped to the crutches. She rested them underneath her armpits and put all of her weight onto them, trying few cautious steps, and in the next moment, she was swinging out of the room. 

Startled and furthermore confused by the Trikru warriors guarding her hospital room, she ignored the deep bow she has only seen them to one person before, and carried on through the empty halls, until she reached the exit. She pushed the door open while supporting herself on one of the crutches, and got out of the Ark that was suffocating her. 

Judging by the position of the sun shining above the surrounding mountains, it was around four in the evening, and the Arkers were busy. Few children were running around, accompanied by the grounder kids, playing football. There were multiple new buildinds, built out of both the wreckage from the ark, and woods and stone. Right next to the ark there was one huge building, with the word _Arkadia_ scraped into huge metal. Many other buildings were bursting with life, along with what appeared to be a kitchen, with some people sitting outside on the benches and eating food and laughing. 

Clarke tried to shake off the confusion, and walked into the only part of the Ark she remembered, ignoring the confused glances the arkers threw at her. She entered the room that used to belong to the mechanic, when she spotted her, fiddling with some big black box and a screwdriver, her tongue stuck out in focus, eyebrows furrowed. Clarke smiled. The woman was much stronger than she remembered her to be, that was for sure. She didn't appear as small and fragile as she remembered her, gaining weight, and her skin was sun kissed as never before. Her hair was much longer, falling from her ponytail in intricate grounder braids. Even though she wore similar clothing as the last time, she couldn't fail to notice the small tattoo peeking out from beneath her shirt on her collarbone. 

"Raven," she let out, and the brunette raised her head in annoyance, but immediately after she looked at Clarke, her frown turned into a wide smile. 

"Clarke," she breathed out, dropped the box, and ran towards her friend. Raven's form of running was seemingly effortless limping, her brace still hugging her leg, handling her injury much better than the last time the blonde saw her. She crushed into Clarke, hugging her tightly, and Clarke hugged her back, smiling into her shoulder. 

After a few minutes, Raven finally pulled away, wiping away her tears. Her cheeks were that healthy red color, and Clarke was so, so relieved. 

"Look what you did," she sniffled, "You made me cry," she accused the blonde jokingly, "Not many people can do that." 

"You look amazing," Clarke almost laughed, and Raven waved her arm. 

"I see you after such a long time, and here you are, telling me stuff I already know. I want news! What happened to the fearless Griffin, apart from getting ripped?" The brunette looked her up and down with a smirk. 

"I-" 

"I got the design of the new radio station done, Reyes, so we can finally play some... Music," Sinclair stopped in his steps, with some girl Clarke has never seen before by his side, both eyeing Clarke warily. Raven cleared her throat. 

"Great! Leave it here, and let me have a moment with my girl, will you?" She threw them a glare, and both of them surrendered, their eyes not leaving Clarke. The blonde frowned. 

"What was that?" She said after the two men left and Raven sighed. 

"Our people kind of believed you to be dead, you know? It's not every day that the admired daughter of our best doctor returns after a whole year she spent Godknowswhere, you know." 

Clarke was so impossibly grateful for Raven adressing her by something she really was, Abby's daughter, and she grinned. Until it struck her. 

"A _year?_ " She exclaimed, running her fingers through her already cleaned and brushed hair. Raven bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest. Clarke knew she was gone for a long time, but hearing the exact amount, the exact name of it, made her really grasp the reality of it. She has been gone for a year. She left her mom believing she was dead for a year. Raven gave her a sympathetic look and breathed out. 

"A lot can change in a year, Clarke," she said, unconsciously touching her tattoo. 

Before they could say anything else, the door to Raven's workroom opened once more, this time, a tall, tan boy with black, long messy hair walked in, and upon seeing Clarke, it was as if something lifted off of his shoulders and he ran to her. She ran to meet him, both losing themselves in the hug. The boy was shaking with tears, hodling onto her desperately, and when he looked at her again, he was smile. 

"It's so good to see you, Bellamy," she cracked a smile, and the boy brushed his thumb over her cheek. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke," he whispered. 

"Don't be," she said firmly, "We did what we had to do." 

They were simply staring at each other for a while, Clarke looking at his guard jacket, a gun ready at his thigh, sporting what appeared to be a starting beard. He looked good, strong, and healthy. But when she looked into his eyes, she could see similar regret she wore every day. 

Suddenly, a loud siren sounded through the air, startling all of them. Raven tensed, and Bellamy clenched his jaw. Clarke was about to ask what's going on, when Raven cleared her throat, grabbed her jacket and started limping towards the door. 

"Come on, we have to get to the main square." 

Her eyes not letting go of Bellamy, they both started off towards the door, going back into the daylight. 

When they walked through the gathered crowd of arkers, all staring at them curiously, Raven making them their way through and telling people off, they finally walked to the square, which appeared to be a small clearing with a stage right in front of the Ark, Clarke stopped in her steps, feeling Bellamy putting his arm on the small of her back. She could recognize Indra right away, but it took her a while to notice that the muscular warrior dressed fully in grounder gear, holding a spear and standing tall next to the general, was Octavia. Her hair done in braids pulled away from her face, a nasty gash going down from her cheek to her neck, five more grounder warriors standing behind them. 

As one, all of the grounders bowed, muttering Wanheda, and Clarke's breath got stuck in her throat. Octavia was the only one looking at her from her bow, smiling happily at her, but her eyes were sharp. Only Indra and Octavia got up, as they stepped forward Clarke. 

"Commander of the 13 clans wishes to see the Wanheda, slayer of the mountain," Indra announced ceremoniously, Octavia swallowing as all of the arkers started muttering worriedly. All Clarke could do was stare, her nails digging into her palm. She could feel blood starting to flow off her palm, when Indra eyes her cautiously, "She arrives tomorrow morning at the sunrise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, please leave comments or kudos, they make me incredibly happy! Next chapter should be up soon!


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Clarke gets a summary of what happened in a year, and certain Commander arrives to Arkadia!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, haven't updated this quick in a really long time! I'm sorry I'm not updating any other fics, but I'm already working on She was a storm, and after I post it to my new amazing beta, it should be posted soon.
> 
> Thank you for staying with me, and your kind comments! 
> 
> Also sorry for any grammar mistakes, the chapter is unbeta'd

Clarke doesn't remember storming back inside the Ark. She doesn't remember Octavia running after her, or the confused murmur of the arkers. All she remembers is the rage, and the suffocating feeling that filled her at the mention of the name. 

For the whole time of her absence, she believed Lexa was dead. She believed the coalition found out about her weaknesses, about her treason, and killed her. She always imagined them forcing her to step back after leaving yet another battlefield. She expected to find her imprisoned, tortured, weak and small. 

She wasn't ready to face her again, when it seemed like her betrayal didn't cost her anything she valued. 

She was ripping at her hair, bending over and growling, when someone put their hand on her shoulder. She turned around quickly, lifting her arm to hit the attacker, to find Octavia staring at her from behind her war paint that resembled Lexa's in some ways. Immediately, she lowered her hand, breathing out. Octavia was staring into her eyes intensely, and Clarke almost whined. 

Falling into each other's arms, Clarke clung to the girl, surprised at the fact that the smaller brunette hugged her just as tightly, clasping her hands around Clarke's back. The last time she saw her, the warrior hated her with everything she had, hated her and Lexa, and now there she was, sighing out in relief as she was holding onto her. 

"I don't understand," Clarke cried into her friend's shoulder, and Octavia ran her fingers through Clarke's hair. 

"A lot has changed since you were gone," Octavia said, and the door to the Ark opened. Clarke's gaze fell on Kane, his face worn out, wearing a beard, followed by her mother, Raven, and Bellamy. Searching for answers in their faces, she sat down on the table behind her, and Octavia knelt before her, taking her shaking hands into hers. 

"Skaikru is now the thirteenth clan, Clarke," Octavia told her with gravely seriousness in her voice, "Have been for quite some time." 

"But-but how?" Clarke choked out, glancing at Kane, "Lexa _betrayed us_. She left us there to _die_! She didn't care about our people, she turned her back on us and marched into safety! How could you become her people?" She shouted out accusingly, and she could see Raven looing away, a frown on her face. Kane was the one who spoke up first. 

"The Commander gave us mercy by taking us under her coalition," he spoke with calmness in his voice, and Clarke rolled her eyes at the respect she heard in his voice, "After you left and the 47 settled down, we sent our people back into Mount weather for supplies." 

"We thought we could use some new medical supplies, and from what we heard, there was art, books, weapons and bombs, too many things we considered valuable to leave them there," Abby interrupted, giving Clarke a meaningful look, "We ran out of anaesthetics, antibiotics and about everything else after we had to treat our people after the battle. We had no choice." 

"Azgeda found out," Octavia said, her voice stern, "Spread the word that Skaikru is arming themselves, ready to attack everyone. Obviously, that put many leaders of the clans on edge." 

Clarke noticed how Octavia seemed not to consider herself a part of the skaikru, and to be honest, she didn't resemble the girl that was hidden under the floor at all. Everything about her screamed grounder, from her hard shoes to her warrior braids. Kane continued. 

"Anyways, the clans demanded that the Commander orders the coalition to wipe us out. Claiming it was an act of war. We had the weapons, sure, but the grounders outnumbered us too greatly for us to fight back. We would lose too many people in a pointless war," unconsciously, Kane touched his arm, "The Commander arrived, and offered us a deal. We agree to become the thirteenth clan, promise her loyalty, and she puts us under her protection." 

"The clans would never agree to that," Clarke shook her head, still not getting what they were implying, "They hate us, they would kill her if she told them to just accept you." 

"That's why she had to make it profitable for them," Octavia answered, "The Skaikru tends to each and every person that needs medical help, no matter what clan they are from. They teach their children. They destroy mount weather, so no one has to fear their missiles anymore." 

She could see it, Lexa standing in front of Kane, as she made him swear fealty to her. Taking pleasure in seeing him bow to her along with the rest of Clarke's people. 

"You are forgetting the part when our people refused to accept the deal, and she fucking blew the mountain up herself," Raven spat out, causing Octavia to roll her eyes and all but stare daggers into the brunette that was leaning against the wall, "And then all but forced us to become her people under the threat of war. Gave us no choice as she surrendered us, cutting us away from water supply and food." 

Lexa's eyes were on fire as Clarke saw her sitting on her throne, barking orders at her warriors to kill any Skaikru that dares to cross the border, watching emotionlessly as the mountain burst into flames. 

"She did what she had to do," Octavia barked back, "She didn't want to fight Skaikru, but she had to do _something_ to get the clans on her side after she-" 

"After they stopped respecting her? After they almost turned their back on her?" Raven spread her arms open, "We are on the lowest position in the coalition, O! Everyone looks down on us, we are nothing but her slaves! Her cheap work power and hospital." 

"How the Hell did she blow up the mountain?" Clarke exclaimed, and Raven, enraged, shook her head. 

"Somehow, they got their hands on the self-destruction code. Don't ask me how, she didn't care to share with us, but the next thing we knew, some grounder sneaked into the mountain and blew it up. They killed fifteen of our people." 

The mountain was burning, and Lexa watched it, the fire glistening in her oblivious eyes. 

"She had to prove herself," Octavia carried on, unbothered by Raven, almost if she was blinded by her loyalty to the Commander. "She had to prove she can still protect her people. Earn their respect back." 

"Basically, we are a part of the _amazing_ coalition, but we have no right to vote, no right to decide about basically anything major, nothing. All we get is endless amount of orders and the grounders watching us all the time." 

"You don't seem to care when Anya is watching you," Octavia smirked, and Raven grit her teeth. 

"You little-" 

"That's enough!" Bellamy interrupted the former friends, standing between them, "We talked about this. There is no reason for us to turn against each other." 

"Anya?" Clarke stood up again, staring at Raven in disbelief. The girl looked away, "How-What? The last time I saw her, she was bleeding on the ground after our guards shot her!" 

"Yeah, turns out she is too stubborn to die," Raven smiled, "She crawled away from the Ark when all the attention turned to you, and was captured by the Mountain no long after that. Don't ask me how she survived." 

"She was too scared to go back to the Commander empty handed, after she didn't manage to free her people from the mountain. Doomed herself to banishment. But after the war, Raven found her wandering around, and presented her to the Commander," Octavia explained, "She now works as her advisor, and comes here often, to 'check up on the patients'," the girl said in a mocking voice, and Raven started muttering all the insults, but to Clarke's shock, in trigedasleng. 

"I don't get it. So, Anya's alive, you are Lexa's people, but you get nothing in return?" Clarke questioned, "Makes no sense." 

"We get her protection in return," Kane said, "She also offered us food and helped us build our village. She has been nothing but fair to us." 

"Yeah, after throwing quite a few public executions of our people that acted against her fucking will," Raven smiled sarcastically, "Including Wick, who dared to call her _Lex_. And also, she sent her spies to take our ammo." 

Clarke bet Lexa didn't even flinch when the engineer was tied to the tree, bleeding all over, and Raven watching it with helplessness and fear. Clarke bet she took pleasure when she finally buried her sword into his body. She stopped believing Lexa's talks about how much she cared the moment she left her at the mountain. 

"She had to be ruthless so the leaders of the clans didn't kill her! And I don't think you would like what would happen if the coalition fell apart," Octavia shot back, standing up, "I can't deal with this. Indra needs me back in the camp. Have to get ready for the Commander," she gave Clarke one last look, and bumping into Raven, she left. Everyone was quiet for a while, until Bellamy cleared his throat. 

"She made Kane our chancellor. Made me the head of the guard," he said proudly, "O is now the second-highest warrior in the whole of trikru." 

"Yeah, and all of our people live in _fear_ , they don't even dare to look into her eyes!" Raven continued, "Remember when Monty all but ran away from her in fear when she just looked at him next week?" 

"I know, Ray," Bellamy lowered his stare, and the girl breathed in sharply, "I though Anya explained it to you." 

"I don't have to consider all of her words to be the law." 

"So, she arrives tomorrow," Clarke finally said, trying to take it all in, "Why does she want to see me?" 

Raven and Bellamy exchanged a stare, and Kane sighed. 

"I think she needs the Wanheda to become her people, too. The clans now follow her as loyally as ever, but only because they believed you to be dead. It could all change now." 

"Like Hell I will follow her," Clarke muttered, sitting back onto the table, hiding her face in her hands. Abby knelt down to her, putting her hands on her daughter's knees. 

"Get a good night sleep, Clarke. I prepared a bed for you in the house the Commander usually stays in along with Indra and Anya," she smiled at her, "Don't think about tomorrow, think about getting better." 

Clarke stared into her mother's glassy eyes, and nodded slowly. 

"Okay," she whispered, getting up with her mother's help, "Bellamy, could you take me there, please?" 

The dark-haired boy nodded, and giving a glance at Raven, who smiled at Clarke, the pair left, walking into the sunny evening. 

The ark was preparing for dinner, all the people gathering at the tables outside. The sun was slowly setting, and Clarke looked at the small trees and fields around the main buildings, decorating their surroundings. The air smelled pleasantly like warm food and rain, and Bellamy kept looking at Clarke. 

"What?" She asked. He chewed at his bottom lip. 

"I know this isn't what you expected to come back to. I know how much you hate her. But Clarke, please, don't do something stupid tomorrow," he begged her, walking by her side, slowing down so she didn't have to put too much weight onto her wounded leg. He offered her his arm, and she leaned into him gratefully. 

"I just thought I would never have to see her again. She reminds me of... Everything that happened." 

"I know," was all Bellamy said, supporting the girl as they walked through the large village, "I missed you," he broke the silence, which made Clarke smile. 

"I missed you too, Bellamy," she said, and the boy smiled back. Before she could say anything else, something heavy hit her right in her chest, throwing themselves at her. Clarke held back a startled scream as she was being held by Monty. 

"Clarke!" He exclaimed excitedly, hugging her, and she laughed, hugging him back. Soon after that, she could see Miller, Harper, Fox, Monroe and pretty much everyone from the 47 throwing themselves at the girl, shouting her name and laughing, turning the attention of every person in the camp on them. Few adults laughed at their children, and the grounders that were present bowed again. Clarke held back onto them, smiling. They all looked happy, strong, and healthy. Not the skinny, bony bodies she remembered them to be when they were walking away from the mountain, bleeding and hurting. 

"Hey," she breathed into Monty's shoulder, seeing Bellamy smirking at her over his shoulder, "You're okay. You're all okay." 

"Thanks to you," Monty grinned at her, looking the exact same as she remembered him, "If it weren't for you and Bellamy, we'd all be dead." 

"I'm so happy to see you," she confessed with tears in her eyes, taking a look at each and every one of them. Lincoln accompanied them, and nodded at Clarke with a smile, "You too," she smiled back, noticing his Sky grounder jacket. Then she frowned, "Where is Jasper?" 

Monty and Bellamy exchanged a glance, "He... He's not here. He got pretty bad after-after everything that happened," Monty gulped and Clarke stiffened, knowing way too well what he meant, "He was out of his mind all the time, drinking, crying, doing suicidal stuff. One day, the Commander took him with her after he started shouting at her that it was all her fault and started crying," Monty tensed, "It's been a month and we haven't seen him ever since." 

Clarke's blood ran cold at the boy's words. Trying to calm her breaths, she let go of Monty and met Bellamy's gaze, "Take me to my bed." 

After Bellamy escorted her to the house, he hugged her, whished her good night, and left her alone. The room she was in was spacious, wooden walls, lit up by multiple candles and a light bulb. In the middle of it was a king-sized bed covered in furs and blankets, with Lexa's signature headpiece carved above it. Clarke walked up to it, staring at it for a while, and then she brought her fingers to her leg. There was still a bit of blood dripping from her wound, and she knew she will have to get it taken care of in the morning. Biting her lip, she dipped her fingers into the wound just slightly, hissing at the pain as one of the stitched that held the injury together ripped apart, and some blood spilled out. 

Clarke brought her fingers up to her face, hypnotising the red blood dripping from her fingers. It wasn't enough to open her veins again, just a superficial wound that would bleed for a bit. With determined eyes, she reached out for the Commander's sign, and slowly dragged her bloodied fingers across it, leaving a nasty mark. 

 

**

 

No one had to come wake her up. First off, she didn't get much sleep. She refused to sleep in the bed that was previously occupied by someone she despised so much, so she moved some of the furs onto the floor, which resulted into her sleep being interrupted. Secondly, spending a year by her own taught her that the whole ground wakes up at sunrise, and if she doesn't, she's an easy prey. 

She got up from her makeshift bed, walking out of the room without turning back. 

The ark was slowly waking up, guards standing at their watch, farmers gathering vegetables at the fields and bringing it to the cooks. It would be a relaxing sight, seeing her people so settled, if it weren't for their uncertain eyes. They all knew the Commander was coming. 

She averted her eyes, and spotted Bellamy already walking towards her with Kane by his side. She nodded her head at them in acknowledgment. 

"Good morning, Clarke," Kane greeted her, his chancellor jacket on. 

"Abby sent you some clothes so you can change into something more comfortable," Bellamy handed her a pile of clothes. Clarke was dressed in some back-up clothes from the grounders, and it was torn and uncomfortable, but she shook her head the moment she saw her old leather jacket lying on top of it. 

"It's okay, tell her thank you," Clarke smiled slightly, "When is she due to arrive?" She asked Kane, who rubbed his beard. 

"Our guards informed us she's already in the camp. She should be here in few minutes." 

"Great," Clarke muttered, hating the way Kane spoke of her as if he really considered her Commander, "How do we _greet_ her?" 

"She should see you first, so she trusts us you're back," Kane proposed. Clarke closed her eyes for a moment. 

"Okay. Let's go to the main square, then. Lead the way." 

The sun was rising above the horizon, casting long shadows over the Ark, and the birds started singing. The sky was clear today, and Clarke missed the rain. It was as if the ground was mocking her, acting all happy when her nightmare was about to come to life. The citizens of Ark stepped from their way. 

"There were protests at first," Bellamy said, his hand ready at his gun, "After we agreed to her coalition. Many attempts at assassination from our people, many attacks at the grounder guards. Some grounders died, and the Commander executed the attackers in very gruesome way. Ever since then, the number of tries is lowering, almost non-existent." 

"I wish some of them succeeded at slitting her throat," Clarke uttered, looking straight ahead. They passed the edge of the village, where too many graves were made, and Clarke blinked back tears. They arrived to the main square right in time to meet with her mom, Sinclair, and what Clarke assumed to be the new board, seeing some of the elders standing behind Kane, along with guards. Clarke inhaled deeply, and her mom squeezed her hand. Then, the guards blew a horn, and the gate was opening. 

At first, all the arkers got out of the stone path that was leading to the main square. The metal gate was open within seconds, creaking loudly, and grounder guards stepped in. She could see Ryder, striding in with his hand on his sword, hard expression on. Indra walked on the other side, looking as fierce as ever, with Octavia falling slightly behind her. Every arker bowed. And then, she saw her. 

She couldn't describe the feeling that overwhelmed her when she laid her eyes on her after such a long time. First, there was the confusion. She seemed different than she remembered as she watched her come closer to them. Her steps were longer, more determined, her eyes threatening. Gone was the long cloak she always wore, replaced by black clothes that were hugging her tightly basically everywhere, supplemented with heavy armour and weapons hanging by her waist, and wrapped around her thighs. The red sash was still falling from her arm, dancing behind her, and she seemed ready to attack anytime. 

When she came to a stop in front of Clarke, war paint smudged around her eyes, Clarke noticed that it wasn't just her clothes that changed. She seemed to stand taller than before, her chin lifted higher, everything about her screaming authority. But her face, her face has changed so much. It was as if Clarke wasn't the only one that aged incredibly during the year. 

Gone was any glimpse of the child Clarke's mom used to see in her, replaced by sharper features, harder stare. She seemed emotionless as she nodded her head at Kane and Abby, and the pair bowed under her gaze. Her eyes were cold as she acknowledged each and every member of the council, who weren't just bowing their heads as Kane and Abby, no, they were resting their foreheads against the cold ground. 

And then her eyes met Clarke's. Suddenly, it seemed as if her confidence left her, Clarke's very presence shaking her up. Her lips parted, her eyes betrayed her. The coldness and obliviousness were replaced by something Clarke believed to be surprise, amazement, and fear as she burnt holes into Clarke. 

She ordered for everyone to get back to their feet, and when everyone's eyes were trained on her again, the uncertain Lexa was replaced by the Commander once again. Clarke couldn't stop staring at her. Those were the eyes she used to respect. Those were the lips she tasted, that ignited fire in her. 

The whole camp was silent when Lexa spoke. 

"Clarke," she said her name in the usual manner, but her voice was weak, "Welcome back." 

That was the moment Clarke lost it. That was the moment when Ryder and Indra reached for their weapons, Octavia widening her eyes in fear and Kane and Bellamy reaching for the blonde as Clarke let out a scream, starting towards the brunette. Lexa was frozen to the point, to shocked to react when the shorter woman jumped at her, crawling at her face, scratching at her skin as she kept screaming. 

"How _dare_ you? How dare you stand in front of me and talk to me?" She shouted, holding Lexa by her throat. She could feel Lexa's guards' weapons pointing at her own neck, but Lexa gestured for them to retreat. Hastily, they obeyed her. The brunette didn't do anything, just struggled underneath Clarke's strong hold, "I hate you, you betraying _bitch_!" She spat at her, "I hate you, do you hear me? And I'll kill you, you fucking bitch!" She shouted so loud her throat burnt, and her vision was blurred as she choked Lexa, and the brunette still didn't move, simply looking back at Clarke, eyes glassy and wide. Her body was trembling slightly. 

She still didn't even flinch as she started to choke, and that's when Clarke was hit in the head with something heavy and hard, and fell to the ground, crying and screaming, her head spinning. She could feel someone grabbing onto her, pulling her away from the stunned Commander. She didn't leave the green eyes as she was being dragged away, her whole existence raging. She never wanted to see the green eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life, kudos warm me up
> 
> Also I'm sorry about jst showing Anya in there, there is too much potential between Raven and Anya for me to let her be dead. Oops!


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhh, stuff happens? Anya makes an appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing feedback! Sorry it took me so long to update, but anyways, enjoy!

It was unnerving, the stillness of the wall inside the Ark's prison Clarke was staring at. It was burnt at the edges, stitched together with scraps from other parts of the ship welded together. Few branches were peeking inside through the hole in the wall that was now a window with metal bars. She spent quite a few months in a room very similar to this. Back then, Clarke Griffin wasn't shaking, though, she wasn't raging, and here fingers weren't covered in very black blood.

Back then, Clarke Griffin was lonely, crying herself to sleep, haunted by the loss of her father. She was younger, much younger when she was painting her cell with blurred vision and skinny hands, decorating them with pictures of the endless trees providing her a hideaway, water splashing her sweaty skin, and mountains, spreading out into nothingness. She could almost smell the fresh air, hear the flowing water, _feel_ the touch of the sun on her skin. Back then, she couldn't put any real sensation to the things she draw. She couldn't know that air smells differently during every season, that every flowers bears its very specific scent and many of them soothe your skin when you touch them, while others hurt you. She couldn't imagine the way the ground smelled after it rained for several hours, the presence of water in the air before the storm. Back then, the ground was her dream. 

Now, Clarke Griffin knew everything the ground had to offer, and it wasn't enough to compensate for the pain it brought her. She was lonely, unable to close her eyes without seeing everyone she killed. Her hands were trembling, but with anger, disgust, all hope gone. And the ground has become a Hell of its own, incomparable to the certainty of the Ark. The sun peeking through the windows was burning her skin, the sound of branches dancing in the wind outside deafening her.

She was tapping her fingertips against the wall she was hypnotising, in a rhythm hat quite reminded her of the way the raindrops fell onto Niylah's metal roof, back when she was running away from everyone. It felt like years since she slept in her bed, and like mere seconds since she saw Lexa's face disappearing out of her view, black scratches forming on her suddenly pale skin, eyes trained on her. If she knew that's where she'd end up again, in the company of the blank, cold walls, with Lexa just few meters away from her, maybe she would have let the mutated wolf to rip out her throat. It would definitely be less painful. And far away from _Lexa_.

She spat to the ground, only the memory of her forming a bitter taste on her tongue. She started rubbing her fingers rapidly, trying to get rid of the drops of blood frantically, when the door to her cell flew open and she was faced with Bellamy. The same Bellamy who hit her head just minutes ago with the back of his gun, in desperate attempt of stopping her from murdering the still Commander.

"That the Hell is _wrong_ with you, Clarke?" He shouted at her, his face devoid of any colour, "Do you want to get yourself _killed?_ Indra was all but ready to snap!"

Her hand flew up to her neck, where a small wetness was forming, as some of her blood escaped the small slit Indra's sword left there. She didn't react to her friend's words, continuing to stare at the wall. Bellamy threw his arms open.

"The Commander's guards are currently demanding punishment for you, Wanheda or not. Kane is trying to calm them down, but they are outraged," he ran his fingers through his messy hair, "What were you thinking, Clarke? She could have killed you!" 

Clarke laughed at that, but the expression didn't quite reach her eyes, "She already killed me, Bellamy," she said to the boy, a boy she remembered to be all but a desperate brother watching out for his sister, who was now standing in front of her in guard gear, weapon at his hip. A boy that should be falling in love and drinking and partying, bearing gun and looking at her through tired and regretful eyes. 

The said boy swallowed, his Adam apple bobbing up and down with difficulty. He sighed, and rested his palm against his sweaty forehead.

"Look, I'm not excited about being under the Commander either. I was inside the Mountain when she left us. But getting yourself killed isn't going to help anything."

When the blonde didn't react to his words, not turning towards him, the older boy bit his lip. The cell was filled with Clarke's desperate chokes.

"If you decided to throw your life away, Clarke, at least don't sabotage ours by starting a war that would cost us many lives," he said quietly, his eyes begging her to come to senses. She finally connected their stares, and she knew her friend was hurting at seeing her like this, perhaps cursing the Commander just as much as she was, but unlike her, he decided to put it in the past and move forward, for the better of his people, for himself.

Clarke wasn't quite certain she would ever be able to do that.

"People were killed for lesser crimes than lashing out at her, princess," Bellamy said reluctantly, "And I don't know if we can stop her from making you the sacrifice necessary for peace."

**

Lexa knew people around her were talking. She knew they were raging, shouting, and begging, voices and screams overlapping each other, cancelling out the weaker and more distant noises. Indra was pointing towards something furiously, her sword ready in her other hand, and Ryder was growling at Chancellor Kane. She was aware of the things happening around her, of the grounders demanding violent answer to the outburst, and of the sky people asking her to spare one of theirs. 

She couldn't focus on anything but the memory of blue eyes, engraved into her mind. 

It's been over a year since she last saw the girl. A year since their lips touched inside her war tent, and she felt desire like never before, calmness she never experienced even though her beat was racing as if she were about to run into the battlefield. A year since she saw her glistening eyes as she turned away from her, leading her own people to safety, and letting the sky people fight their own battles. 

For a year, she was busy. Almost as busy as when she was uniting the twelve clans all those years ago. She was being tossed from meeting to a meeting, days and nights spent negotiating, planning, and stopping herself from screaming in frustration. Being the Commander was always hard, exhausting you to the point when you felt like falling to the ground and never getting up. And then having to grit your teeth and stand straight, because to be Commander was not to be weak. It was to be stronger than everyone else. 

It definitely wasn't spending restless nights awake, staring at the shadows candles are casting onto your ceiling, being haunted by a pair of eyes that remind you of the spotless summer sky. 

It definitely wasn't beating yourself over your decisions, having to remind yourself multiple times that what you did was the right thing to do. Head over heart. The Commander's heart never matters. 

She sent out search parties first she heard that Clarke has left. Rumours about the legendary _Wanheda_ spread too quickly between the clans, and there were too many people hungry for her power. Claiming Heda should take back the power Clarke took from her by finishing the Mountain herself.   
No one really knew what happened inside until two months later when the tension between the coalition and the Sky people was too thick and she met with Chancellor Kane and Dr Abby Griffin. She will never forget the glare the mother of the blonde girl that made her question everything threw at her once she entered the throne room in Polis, oblivious of the ambassadors scowling at her and Kane's soothing hand on her shoulder. Lexa could see the message in her eyes. _You did this to my daughter._

Throughout the whole meeting, after Lexa urged Kane to describe everyone the events of the Mountain after they left (which was her desperate attempt at trying to make the other clans respect Skaikru), Lexa held onto he dagger way too tightly, her knuckles turning white as she tried to look impassive. The older woman didn't let go of her, her eyes as intense as her daughters, screaming at her without opening her mouth. Lexa felt like leaving her throne. _Clarke trusted you, and look what you've done._

Abbigail Griffin didn't see her as _the Commander_ , the leader of the whole world that was known to them. Someone they should be begging for mercy. No, she saw a woman, a _girl_ that couldn't keep her daughter safe.

For the first time in her life, Lexa was scared to look into someone's eyes.

After a month of negotiating, calming the coalition down and reasoning with them, showing them the pros Skaikru has to offer for them (which got a bit complicated after few older skaikru decided to move into the mountain), Clarke's people were finally her people, too, under her protection. It was the least she could do for the woman that defeated their most feared enemy. It was also the wisest thing to do to keep peace.

It wasn't easy. The sky people didn't have enough respect for their Chancellor and their Board, let alone for some savage grounder that was primitive and sent armies to slaughter their children (only after they sent them to the ground to die, first, as Lexa never forgot to mention). But after the Mountain was gone, ammunition was confiscated and a blockade was set around their little village, the newcomers had to accept the deal she was offering them, the deal which almost cost her life. 

The first weeks were rough. The Sky people questioned her every move, shouted at her, tried to attack her guards. She knew that to earn their respect and obedience, she has to show them the real power the Commander possesses. These people were used to being _floated_ , as Clarke once told her, for the smallest of crimes. They didn't bow down to anyone until they were forced to with swords at their necks.   
So after agreement with Kane, Lexa did so. She watched the executions of Clarke's people with blank stare, hands clasped behind her back, as they suffered the death of thousand cuts. She had to stand still when Clarke's friend, Raven, was once again screaming out in pain when her friend's heart was finally pierced by Lexa's sword. Lexa knew there was no point in telling the mechanic she took no pleasure in this. She knew she wouldn't trust her from the furious look she kept giving her.

It took just few presentations of power, and everyone bowed to her, most of them with fear, some of them with disgust. But that was more than she could ask for.

After first few months of uncertainty and rumours spreading around, the twelve clans finally started to see that skaikru indeed proved to be a powerful ally, with their maunon guns and healing abilities incomparable to their own. Kane turned out to be the best leader of the childish clan, calming his people down and dealing with hers. Soon, she could walk through the Ark without some of the Sky people navigating her, and behind every corner, whenever she saw group of someone from the hundred or Raven, she expected blonde hair to come into view. They never did. 

When six months passed and there was still no word about Wanheda, the ambassadors stopped pressuring her about gaining her power. Pretty much everyone believed her to be dead. A funeral was held, as one of the first acts of peace between the coalition and skaikru, and all the sky people attended, along with trikru and all the leaders of the clans. They burnt Clarke's old clothes, her friends cried and hugged each other, and Abbigail all but fell to her knees, and had to be dragged away by Kane and another doctor, Jackson. No one questioned when Lexa left too soon, and no one dared to enter the house she had in the Ark, interrupting her desperate cries. 

Everyone who was close to her noted her change. She was cold, more distant than usual, her face emotionless even when she talked to the citizens. Not even Titus dared to question why sometimes Lexa arrived to their private breakfast with red eyes and shaky legs.

The only thing that kept her sane, kept her from losing it all over again and seeing dark curly hair next to blond locks everywhere she went were the Natblidas, always following her, shining whenever she praised them and trying harder than before when she scolded them. Her children that accepted the skaikru better than anyone else, pointing out the opportunities they saw in the unlikely alliance. And then there was Anya.

When the woman showed up few weeks after the Mountain fell, skinnier but still the same, Lexa couldn't believe it. She lost all of her hope of seeing her old mentor, a person she considered to be her friend when she received the braid from Clarke. And now there she was, staring at her with her dark eyes, and Lexa had to smile, and if they were alone, she would let herself shed tears of happiness. Being reunited with the closest thing she had to a family brought some hope back, that perhaps, one day, Clarke will find her way back, just like Anya did. 

Of course, after a year, she didn't dare to hope anymore, so when the word was delivered to her that Skaikru have found the Wanheda, seriously wounded but alive, Lexa waved it off as a rumour. Many of them came up during the year, and all were proven to be false. But when her own scout came back and informed her that the woman is indeed in the medical care of the Ark, recognized by her mother, Octavia, and Nyko, she tried to finish up her duties as fast as she could, and on her first chance, she was mounting her horse and sprinting towards Arkadia.

During the whole ride, she was anxious, trying to stop herself from trembling, making sure it wasn't a trick of her own mind. 

And when she saw her standing in front of her, her heart all but stopped.

She was even more _beautiful_ than Lexa remembered, her now longer hair shining in the morning sun, her skin tanned, figure much stronger than she remembered. She sported few scars and supported herself on crutches, but other than that, she was the same, and she was alive.

Then their eyes met, and Lexa finally found the flaw in their reunion. 

This wasn't the girl she remembered.

This woman was breathing fire, yes, but fire full of anger, hate, and _disgust_. When she looked at Lexa, she was shaking, her fists rolling into balls at her side. It made Lexa's breath get stuck in her throat, frozen to the spot.

She wasn't the least surprised when Clarke attacked her. She didn't expect them to meet and kiss and hug, no matter how much she wished to. She didn't know to which extent the sky girl blamed her for what happened, and how much it affected her, but she knew it wouldn't leave the girl without a scar she can only make hurt less by tackling Lexa.

And when her grip was too strong around Lexa's grip, the brunette felt like she deserved it, the pain, the desperate need to breathe and the panic when she couldn't. Because in Clarke's eyes she could see that's what Lexa caused her. 

Because she wasn't willing to hurt Clarke ever again, she didn't move, too stunned when she started gasping for air to fight her off. She knew she should, to prove herself to the people around them, but she was stuck. If she was more present in the moment, and not lost in Clarke's wet eyes, she would see Octavia gesturing to her brother urgently. She would see it when the head guard of sky people raised his gun and hit it against the back of her head.

Next thing she knew, she could inhale again, a weight was lifted off of her, Clarke was once again leaving.  
And she was standing in front of the main square, eyes fixated on the main entrance to the Ark, snapping back into presence.

"Heda. I know we respect the Wanheda, but attacking you, that's unacceptable. No one can get away with a treason this big against you without punishment," Indra was hissing, ignoring Kane. 

"She attacked the Commander. She clearly questions her competence to lead," someone else said in trigedasleng, and few people nodded in agreement while others barked at them for their ridiculousness. 

"I say let's lash her until she bows to the Commander," some of her warriors proposed.

"Are you out of your _mind?_ She saved your asses, you can't hurt her!" Some girl from the guards shouted back, and Lexa recognized her as one of the hundred, Harper. Some more sky people agreed and everything was a mess until Lexa raised her hand, trying to appear calm. Everyone went silent.

"We will discuss the issue later. In the meantime, settle in the camps," she ordered them, and started walking away as fast as she could without appearing like she was running away. Which she was. She made it through the crowds of sky people that separated in front of her with flawless mask, her sash flowing behind her, but as soon as she entered her house, she slid down the door, and hiccupped.

Commanders don't hiccup. Commanders don't let their tears fall down, smudging their warpaint as they crumble to the ground and hide their faces in their hands. They definitely don't sob into the sleeves of their gear, feeling every sign of panic attack coming at them. Her heart was plummeting in her chest. Her throat was closing, not letting any air enter her lings and everything was spinning. And when she noticed the red blood staining the sign over her bed, she had to close her eyes.

She was pretty sure she would lose herself completely if it weren't for the knock on her door that she more felt than heard, leaning against the door. She stood up, trying to compose herself, and ready to shout at whoever it was to leave her.

"Heda, it's me," Anya's voice reached her from the other side of the door, "Let me enter."

Lexa wiped her tears away in case someone besides Anya spotted her, and opened her door just enough for the taller woman to get in. Were it anyone else, they would be stunned for word seeing Lexa like this, like she was any other heartbroken girl that’s just something over twenty winters old, and not the Heda, but Anya knew better. Anya knew Lexa like no one else in the world. Anya was there when Lexa went crazy after Costia's head was delivered to her. She was there when her second made the hard decision to let Azgeda enter her coalition, no matter how much it hurt her.

The older blonde put her hands on Lexa's arms, and made her look into her eyes.

"Lexa, focus on me. Count backwards from hundred," she ordered her, and Lexa obeyed, closing her eyes as she did so. When she was down to forty, her tears stopped, and she could see Anya more clearly. 

"I can't, Anya," she murmured, "You know I can't punish her."

"I know, yongon," Anya said in an urgent voice, "But you can't allow yourself moments of weakness, not now. You have to go back there, and explain why exactly it is that you won't punish such a crime against your persona. Understood?" The woman raised her eyebrows, and Lexa nodded, "Good. Now, why do we not punish the sky girl? She is much angrier than I remember her."

Lexa remembered when she was being raised by Titus, and the old Commander, slowly being moulded into emotionless leader that only took mercy in exceptional causes, someone who wasn’t expected to have anyone close to them, as that could mean sabotage, distraction, a trap. She used to cry at night, missing her family, and Luna would come to hug her, and Jonas would try to distract her, and for a while, she felt better. And then, once Titus found them, they would get screamed at, whipped, and forbidden from showing such weakness ever again.

And then, when she was transferred to Anya, everything changed. Anya was much stronger than Titus, a young woman just few years older than Lexa herself. She was training Lexa ‘till the little girl would be falling to her knees from exhaustion. It was no longer just a play, just the natblidas fighting each other. It was holding real weapons and standing by Anya’s side in the middle of real battle, when other children, including Costia, played and danced and shouted and screamed.

But it was also Anya tending to her when Lexa got hurt. It was Anya waking her up by tickling her to the point she screamed. It was Anya telling her jokes, ruffling her hair, roasting meat over fire until the deep night when they had an occasional day over. It was hugs when Lexa felt down, it was teasing when Lexa started eyeing one certain girl who always liked to weave flowers into her black, curly hair. It was both gentle and rough, and it finally felt like she had a family. 

Anya was the only one who could see the girl under the persona of the Commander, who told her that to be strong didn’t mean she isn’t allowed to cry. Even though Lexa had hard time believing that, everytime she saw the strong woman she learned to worship break down, cry or care, she could see the sense in Anya’s preaching.

"Because we want to get the power of Wanheda on our side, not fight it," Lexa whispered, but her voice was stronger.

"Alright," Anya clasped her shoulder more gently, but there was firmness in the touch, "Now you go face your people, and tell them that _just drein no jus daun._ It is not our way anymore."

Lexa nodded again, every trace of tears gone from her face. Anya smirked.

"Perfect. Ready to face the world again, Heda?" She asked and when Lexa once again agreed, she sighed, "You can allow yourself moment of weakness later, Lexa, but not now. Now your duty comes first."

With those words, the two women opened the door and marched towards the main square.

The crowd was sparser, as few lower soldiers returned to their camps and younger arkers returned to their duties. Only the sky guards, Octavia, Indra, Ryder, Chancellor Kane and Dr Griffin stayed, clearly caught in a heated discussion. They all shut up when Lexa joined them, eyeing her with curiosity.

"I have made my decision," she informed them, and raised her voice to the people that once again gathered around them, "We will not punish the great Wanheda. Yes, attack against me is attack against the coalition, and therefore punishable by death by thousand cuts, but, Wanheda is too _valuable_. Too powerful. And I believe we can gain from her power if we do not anger her against us, but instead let her join us. 

So, let us know that while any other attack will be answered, this one shall be forgotten in the honour of the Wanheda defeating the mountain. We paid our debt by letting her live. And now it is her decision to either follow me, or die," she finished her speech, the words tasting bitter on her tongue as she looked around the crowd of people. They didn't dare to say a word while she was speaking, but once she stopped, she could hear them hum in agreement. Kane was mouthing her thank you, Octavia sighed out in relief and Dr Griffin all but lifted a big weight off of her shoulders, sobbing into her hands.

She was obvious to Indra complaining, trying to make her change her mind, and instead dismissed the group, nodding her head at Kane, and leaving the scene once again. She was way too tired, the medallion sitting between her eyebrows heavier than ever.

**

Clarke was getting tired of hearing Bellamy pacing in front of her cell, literally biting his nails as he did so. She didn't know when his affection and care for her grew so much, why the Hell he cared when she made him pull the lever with her, and then abandoned them all, unprotected from Lexa. He should be pointing his gun at her. Hell, he should have killed her once she wrapped her fingers around Lexa's throat.

The man stopped in his steps when another guard opens the door, and someone steps in. And Clarke was faced with Anya.

"The great _Wanheda_ ," the woman says with amusement playing in her eyes, "You could use another shower. You stink of the Skaikru disinfection."

She hasn’t changed at all, except for her clothes. It seemed nobler, with the red cloak decorating her black armour. Her hair is a bit shorter, but she seems tired.

"Anya," she breathed out, and she couldn't understand why she was so relieved to see her. They only spent few days together on their run from the mountain, and she was someone Lexa cared about deeply, for God's sake. She should hate her. But instead, she lets herself smile a little at the grounder standing in front of her. She is even more surprised when the warrior smirks back.

"What is the Commander's decision?" Bellamy asked urgently, and Anya rolled her eyes.

"She may live, but if this happens once again, Heda's people won't hesitate to kill her on spot," she warned them, and Bellamy smiled, "Bellboy, can you leave us alone?" It is clear from her tone that it's not a question but an order, and Bellamy nodded, and left the prison cell. Anya opened Clarke's door by pressing few buttons confidently. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

"Turns out your mechanic is a good teacher when it comes to sky technology," she explained as if it was clear it was Raven who taught her, and reached out her hand for Clarke. The younger woman eyed her warily.

"Ohh, come on, I'm not going to throw you to the ground. I just want to properly welcome the girl that tried to save my life and negotiate pace," she sounded almost bored, and Clarke finally clasped Anya's arm in grounder greeting, "Now, what made you almost kill Heda, and yourself?"

"She is nothing but a traitor," Clarke spat, baring her teeth. Anya rolled her eyes, as if she expected the exact answer Clarke gave her.

“And why is that, skai prisa?” the taller woman asked with exhaustion in her voice and leaned against a wall. Clarke frowned.

“She left us there. We had a deal and she broke it. She couldn’t care if we made it out alive, if I-„ her voice broke off, and she sighed, „She broke our _deal_ , Anya.“

„Of course,“ Anya nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, „And now comes the part where you tell you would have never done the same, that you wouldn’t do what she did if you were offered the same deal.“

„ _Yes!_ “ Clarke let out, almost scandalized, „I would have never betrayed my friends, never left them to die! “

„From what I understand, you did have friends inside the Mountain, didn’t you? The young girl Jasper was obsessed with, she saved Bellamy. The people that sacrificed their lives for your people. Did you not betray them by pulling the lever just like Lexa betrayed you by leaving?” Anya raised her eyebrows and Clarke breathed out.

“What do you want, Anya?”

“I want to see you what hypocrite you are being. I’m not here to blame you for killing the children and innocent inside the mountain. I respect you for doing what you thought was necessary for survival of your people. Just like I respect Leksa for leaving.”

“If she stayed there,” Clarke reasoned, even though her chin was quivering, “We could have done _something_. We could have given the bone marrow to the resistance and the children and-“

“And what, let Lexa lose hundreds of people in the process? We were expendable for them, unlike you, and we have lost too many. Hundreds, thousands. When you look back on it now, you may think you would have done better, but in that moment, it was the wisest choice to do. Don’t tell me you haven’t figured that out during the year when you were pretending to be some kind of martyrs.”

“Ohh?” Clarke almost laughed, “And why isn’t the wise Heda here, then?” 

“She doesn’t wish for you to attack her again and get yourself killed,” Anya retorted, “She will let you rest for the rest of the day, now. Tomorrow, she expects you to be present at the meeting with Kane and the board.”  
With that, the Commander’s advisor turned on her heel, “Ohh, and Clarke? Don’t make yourself look stupid,” she added before she finally opened the door to the prison cell and left, letting Clarke stare at the open door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Expect more of interactions between Anya and Lexa/ Anya and Clarke. I'm a sucker fot them.
> 
> All kudos/comments are very much appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I promise to fix the mistakes soon. Please comment/leave kudos if you want me to continue this fic. Thank you!


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